Self-Critical

"Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you're good enough, self-compassion asks, what's good for you?"

― Kristen Neff

April 2, 2023

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Lisa Ulshafer

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Are you someone who is constantly self-critical? Do you find yourself being too hard on yourself? Does it feel like you are your own worst critic? Being self-critical can be exhausting and detrimental to your mental health. While it's important to recognize and acknowledge areas where you can improve, being overly self-critical can hold you back from achieving your goals and enjoying life.

Being self-critical is a common tendency where individuals consistently judge and evaluate themselves harshly, often focusing on perceived flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings. It can lead to negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and a constant sense of not being good enough. It's time to break the cycle of self-criticism and start treating yourself with kindness and compassion while still holding yourself accountable to becoming your best self.

Here are some common signs that you may be overly self-critical:

• Consistently using critical and negative language when talking to yourself, such as "I'm so stupid," "I always mess up," or "I'm a failure."

• Holding yourself to unrealistic or perfectionistic standards and feeling disappointed or frustrated when you don't meet them.

• Taking excessive blame and responsibility for mistakes or failures, even when they are beyond your control or not entirely your fault.

• Having a hyper-focus on perceived flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings, and constantly dwelling on them.

• Feeling uncomfortable or dismissing compliments or praise from others, as you struggle to believe or accept positive feedback about yourself.

• Constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate or inferior based on those comparisons.

• Having a persistent feeling of not being good enough, regardless of achievements or accomplishments.

• Being overly afraid of making mistakes or failing, which may lead to avoidance or procrastination.

• Having high levels of self-doubt by frequently questioning your abilities, decisions, and worthiness.

• Self-criticism can lead to negative impacts on mood, self-esteem, and overall well-being, such as increased anxiety, depression, and stress.

Here are 9 strategies to help you overcome being overly self-critical:

1. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and compassion that you would offer to a close friend. Be mindful of your self-talk and replace self-critical thoughts with self-compassionate ones.

2. Challenge negative thoughts: Recognize and challenge negative or critical thoughts that arise, and ask yourself if they are based on facts or distorted perceptions. Develop a more balanced and realistic view of yourself and your abilities.

3. Set realistic standards: Establish realistic and achievable standards for yourself, and accept that perfection is not attainable. Embrace the idea of progress rather than perfection, and celebrate your efforts and accomplishments, no matter how small.

4. Cultivate self-approval: Focus on self-approval rather than seeking external validation or approval from others. Develop a sense of self-worth and self-esteem that is not solely dependent on others' opinions or feedback.

5. Challenge comparison mindset: Recognize that comparing yourself to others is counterproductive and often leads to negative self-criticism. Focus on your own progress and growth, and avoid comparing yourself to others.

6. Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care activities, such as exercise, healthy eating, restful sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally can improve your self-esteem and reduce self-critical tendencies.

7. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a professional for support and perspective. Talking about your self-critical thoughts and feelings with others can help gain different insights and perspectives.

8. Practice gratitude: Cultivate a practice of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of yourself and your life. Shift your attention to what you appreciate about yourself and your accomplishments, rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.

9. Challenge perfectionism: Recognize that perfectionism is an unattainable and self-destructive standard, and challenge perfectionistic tendencies. Embrace a growth mindset that allows for mistakes and learning opportunities.

Letting go of self-criticism can lead to a more fulfilling life where you are no longer constantly berating yourself. You can experience increased self-acceptance, improved self-esteem, and greater self-confidence. You can develop a healthier mindset that focuses on growth, learning, and self-compassion, rather than being trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt. Life without self-criticism allows for greater self-care, self-approval, and the ability to embrace imperfections as part of being human. It can lead to more fulfilling relationships, increased joy in activities and accomplishments, and a greater sense of overall well-being.