Perfectionist

"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing."

― Harriet Braiker

March 30, 2023

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Lisa Ulshafer

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Are you someone who sets high standards for yourself and feels the need to strive for perfection in everything you do? Do you find it difficult to let go of minor details and move on to the next task? Being a perfectionist is characterized by a relentless pursuit of flawlessness and high standards, often driven by an internal need for validation and approval.

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. While striving for excellence can be admirable, perfectionism can also be a hindrance to productivity, creativity, and personal growth. Perfectionists tend to set excessively high expectations for themselves and others, and may be overly critical of their own performance or the performance of others. This mindset can result in a persistent sense of dissatisfaction and anxiety, as perfectionists constantly strive for an unattainable ideal. Perfectionism can manifest in various areas of life, such as work, relationships, academics, and personal achievements. It can impact mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being.

Here are some common signs that you may be a perfectionist:

• Setting unrealistically high standards for yourself or others.
  
  
• Feeling anxious or stressed when things do not go as planned or fall short of expectations.
  
  
• Being overly critical of yourself or others, often focusing on minor flaws or mistakes.
  
  
• Engaging in excessive self-criticism and self-doubt.
  
  
• Procrastinating or avoiding tasks due to fear of not being able to meet perfectionistic standards.
  
  
• Spending excessive time and effort on tasks or projects wanting to get them just right.
  
  
• Struggling with a fear of failure or making mistakes.
  
  
• Engaging in all-or-nothing thinking, where anything less than perfection is considered a failure.
  
  
• You spend a lot of time worrying about what others think of you?
  
  
• Do you file away your failures and mistakes in a mental archive, replaying in your mind again and again how you wish they would have gone?

Here are 10 strategies to help you overcome being a perfectionist:

1. Recognize the problem. The first step in overcoming perfectionism is recognizing that it's a problem. It can lead to self-doubt, procrastination, and a fear of failure. Acknowledge that perfectionism is holding you back and that making mistakes is the most common way that people learn. 
   
   
2. Set realistic expectations. Perfectionism often stems from setting unrealistic expectations. Instead, set achievable smaller short-term goals that will be easier to accomplish along the way to bigger higher time-frame goals. Don't let fear of not being good enough paralyze you from taking action.
   
   
3. Focus on progress, not perfection. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on progress. Celebrate your small successes and acknowledge the progress you've made. This will help you stay motivated and build momentum towards your goals.
   
   
4. Practice self-compassion. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself when things don't go as planned. Instead, practice self-compassion by acknowledging your efforts and progress, and treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend.
   
   
5. Take imperfect action. Don't wait for everything to be perfect before taking action. Instead, take imperfect action and make adjustments along the way. This will help you overcome the fear of failure and build confidence in yourself and your abilities.
   
   

6. Recognize and challenge perfectionistic thoughts and beliefs: Practice becoming aware of your perfectionistic thoughts and beliefs, and challenge them by asking yourself if they are realistic or if they are based on unattainable standards. Reframe them in a more balanced and realistic way.

7. Embrace mistakes and failures as opportunities for growth: Shift your mindset towards viewing mistakes and failures as opportunities for learning and growth, rather than as signs of failure or inadequacy. Understand that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process and can provide valuable feedback for improvement.

8. Practice self-care and stress management: Take care of your physical and mental well-being by practicing self-care and stress management techniques, such as exercise, mindfulness, and relaxation techniques. Prioritize self-care as an essential part of your routine.

9. Challenge all-or-nothing thinking: Avoid black-and-white thinking and practice embracing shades of gray. Recognize that not everything has to be perfect or a failure, and that there can be a middle ground.

10. Practice flexibility and adaptability: Learn to be more flexible and adaptable in your approach to tasks and situations. Embrace change and uncertainty as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than sources of anxiety.

Overcoming perfectionism can be liberating and fulfilling. You will learn to accept yourself and others with imperfections, embrace mistakes and failures as opportunities for growth, and set realistic goals and expectations. You can develop flexibility, adaptability, and resilience in the face of challenges and uncertainties. By letting go of perfectionism, you can experience greater joy, satisfaction, and balance in all areas of your life, and foster healthier relationships with yourself and others. You can live with a sense of freedom, authenticity, and self-acceptance, allowing yourself to flourish and thrive in a more relaxed and fulfilling way.