Unrealistic Expectations

“Unrealistic expectations often lead to disappointment,
while simple unbiased attention and detachment to outcome often lead to pleasant surprises.”

― Gary Hopkins

April 1, 2023

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Lisa Ulshafer

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Do you find yourself setting lofty goals for yourself that land you in a pool of disappointment? Or do others fall short of the expectations you place on them? Unrealistic expectations are different than setting goals for yourself that will stretch you to grow and achieve a more fulfilling life.

Realistic expectations are those that are based on a comprehensive assessment of the circumstances and available resources. They take into account the limitations and challenges that may arise, and are achievable with effort and commitment.

Unrealistic expectations, on the other hand, are those that ignore reality and are not attainable in the given circumstances. They arise from factors such as wishful thinking, over-confidence, and peer pressure.

Here are some common signs that you may have unrealistic expectations:

• Constant disappointment: You often feel let down or disappointed with yourself, others, or situations because they do not meet your high standards.

• Perfectionism: You have a strong need for things to be perfect, and anything less than perfect is seen as a failure.

• Overly rigid or inflexible thinking: You have a narrow perspective and struggle to adapt to changes or unexpected outcomes.

• Chronic dissatisfaction: You find it difficult to be satisfied with what you have accomplished or what others have achieved, always seeking something better or ideal.

• Excessive comparison: You often compare yourself to others and feel inferior or superior based on unrealistic benchmarks or standards.

• Unrealistic timeline: You set unrealistic deadlines or expectations for yourself or others, often leading to disappointment or frustration when they are not met.

• Difficulty in handling failure or setbacks: You may struggle with setbacks or failures, viewing them as unacceptable or as a reflection of your self-worth.

• Strained relationships: Your expectations of others may be too high, leading to strained relationships as others may feel unable to meet those unrealistic standards.

• Lack of self-compassion: You are overly critical of yourself, holding yourself to impossibly high standards without giving yourself room for mistakes or self-compassion.

• Chronic stress or anxiety: Unrealistic expectations can create ongoing stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy as you constantly strive for unattainable goals.

Here are 9 strategies to help you overcome having unrealistic expectations:

1. Set SMART goals. Use the SMART criteria to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. This will help you set goals that are realistic and attainable, while also providing a clear roadmap for achieving them.
   
   
2. Focus on the process, not just the outcome. Shift your focus from the end goal to the process of getting there. Celebrate your small successes and acknowledge the progress you've made. This will help you stay motivated and build momentum towards your goals.
   
   
3. Practice self-compassion. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Don't set goals that require you to sacrifice your well-being. Instead, set goals that align with your values and priorities, and that allow for self-care and relaxation. Learn from the experience.
   
   
4. Use the experience of setting unrealistic expectations as an opportunity to learn and grow. Reflect on what worked and what didn't work, and use this knowledge to set more realistic expectations in the future.
   
   

5. Practice self-awareness: Start by recognizing and acknowledging that you may have unrealistic expectations. Reflect on your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to identify patterns of unrealistic thinking or perfectionism.

6. Cultivate flexibility and adaptability:  Embrace the uncertainty and imperfections of life. Learn to adapt and be flexible in the face of changes, setbacks, and unexpected outcomes. Be willing to adjust your goals as you go.

7. Manage comparisons: Avoid excessive comparisons with others, as everyone has their unique strengths, weaknesses, and circumstances. Focus on your own progress and achievements without constantly measuring yourself against others.

8. Practice forgiveness: Learn to forgive yourself and others for mistakes or failures. Holding onto grudges or resentment only perpetuates unrealistic expectations and creates unnecessary emotional burden.

9. Communicate openly and honestly: Practice open and honest communication with others about your expectations, and be willing to listen and understand their perspectives as well. Clarify expectations in relationships or situations to avoid misunderstandings.

Having realistic expectations allows you to embrace the reality of life, accept imperfections, and appreciate the journey rather than solely focusing on outcomes. Without the weight of unrealistic expectations, you can experience more contentment, joy, and gratitude in the present moment. You can cultivate healthier relationships with others, communicate more openly and honestly, and have a more flexible and adaptive mindset. You can set realistic and achievable goals that are aligned with your abilities and circumstances, and celebrate your progress without constantly feeling disappointed or dissatisfied. Overall, letting go of unrealistic expectations can lead to greater self-acceptance, resilience, and a more balanced and fulfilling life. Remember, it's okay to dream big, but it's also important to be realistic and kind to yourself and others.