Calculating

"Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”

― Peter T. McIntyre

April 3, 2023

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Lisa Ulshafer

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Are you someone who always needs to know the numbers, who constantly calculates every move and decision? Being a calculating person can be useful in some situations, but when it becomes a habit, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and even dishonesty. It can also damage relationships, making people feel like they’re being manipulated or used.

Overcoming the tendency to be calculating can be a challenging task, as it requires a shift in mindset and behavior. Individuals who tend to be calculating often focus solely on personal gain, without considering the impact of their actions on others. This can lead to strained relationships and a lack of trust from those around them. Overcoming the desire to constantly calculate and manipulate situations can lead to more authentic and fulfilling relationships, as well as a greater sense of personal growth and development. 

Here are some common signs that you may be calculating:

• Manipulative behavior: You may frequently try to manipulate situations or people to achieve your desired outcome.
  
  
• Strategic thinking: You may spend a lot of time thinking through different scenarios and planning your next move.
  
  
• Lying or withholding information: You may withhold information or lie to people to gain an advantage or protect your interests.
  
  
• Being secretive: You may keep your plans or actions hidden from others to maintain control or avoid interference.
  
  
• Using people for personal gain: You may be willing to use others to achieve your goals, even if it means taking advantage of them.
  
  
• Being opportunistic: You may take advantage of situations or people when it benefits you, without regard for their feelings or well-being.
  
  
• Seeking out power or influence: You may actively seek out positions of power or influence to achieve your goals.
  
  
• Being strategic in relationships: You may be strategic in your relationships, building connections with people who can help you achieve your goals.
  
  
• Being calculating in financial matters: You may be highly focused on financial gain and make decisions based on financial calculations rather than emotions or ethics.

Here are 5 strategies for overcoming being calculating:

1. Practice honesty: Be upfront and transparent in your interactions with others. This can help to build trust and reduce the need for you to be overly calculating.

2. Cultivate empathy: Take the time to consider how your actions may impact others. This can help you to become more attuned to the feelings and needs of others, and can reduce the need for you to be overly calculating.

3. Focus on the present: Avoid constantly calculating the outcomes of your actions and instead focus on the present moment. This can help you to be more spontaneous and authentic in your interactions with others.

4. Trust others: Learn to trust others and their intentions. This can help you to let go of the need to constantly calculate and control situations.

5. Practice vulnerability: Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open with others. This can help to build deeper connections and relationships, and reduce the need for you to be overly calculating.

Overcoming being calculating can be a challenging but rewarding process. It requires a shift in mindset and a willingness to let go of the need to control every aspect of a situation. By learning to trust others and focusing on the bigger picture, one can become more open, authentic, and effective in their interactions with others. Overcoming being calculating is not about giving up control, but rather about learning to use it in a more strategic and collaborative way. With patience, self-awareness, and a commitment to growth, anyone can overcome their tendency to be overly calculating and become a more successful and respected leader.