Vain

"A person may be proud without being vain.
Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us."

― Jane Austen

April 3, 2023

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Lisa Ulshafer

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Take the Assessment

Do you find yourself spending a lot of time admiring yourself in the mirror, or perhaps, obsessing over your appearance? Do you feel like your physical appearance defines who you are and how people perceive you? Vanity is an excessive focus on one's appearance, accomplishments, or possessions. While it's natural to want to look and feel your best, too much focus on your outer appearance can lead to unhealthy behaviors and damage your self-worth.

It's important to keep in mind that taking care of your appearance and wanting to look your best is a normal part of self-care. It's only when these behaviors become excessive and interfere with other aspects of your life that they can be considered problematic.

Here are some common signs that you may be vain:

• You may spend an excessive amount of time and money on your appearance, such as hair, makeup, clothing, or accessories.
  
  
• You may obsessively post selfies or pictures of yourself on social media, seeking validation and attention from others.
  
  
• You may constantly seek admiration and praise from others, often fishing for compliments or bragging about your accomplishments.
  
  
• You may become defensive or upset when receiving criticism, particularly about your appearance or personal qualities.
  
  
• You may place a high value on social status or material possessions, often flaunting them as a sign of your worth.
  
  
• You may disregard or dismiss the feelings of others, often focusing solely on your own needs and desires.
  
  
• You may be judgmental of others, particularly about their appearance or social status, in order to elevate your own sense of superiority.
  
  
• You may lack self-awareness about the extent of your vanity or the negative impact it may have on your relationships with others.

Here are 10 strategies to help you overcome the tendency to be vain:

1. Focus on your inner qualities: Instead of focusing solely on your appearance, take the time to recognize and appreciate your inner qualities. Think about your values, talents, and strengths. Embrace and nurture these qualities, and try to develop them further.
   
   
2. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Recognize that you're more than just your physical appearance, and that you have inherent worth and value. When you make a mistake or don't look your best, don't beat yourself up. Instead, practice self-compassion and treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
   
   
3. Limit social media and external influences: Social media and external influences can be major triggers for vanity. Constant exposure to unrealistic beauty standards and curated images can create a distorted perception of reality. Limit your exposure to these influences and instead focus on things that make you happy and fulfilled.
   

4. Shift focus outward: Instead of constantly seeking external validation or attention, shift your focus towards the needs and perspectives of others. Practice empathy, compassion, and active listening to genuinely connect with others.

5. Practice gratitude: Appreciate and value the qualities and accomplishments of others, and express genuine appreciation for their contributions. Avoid comparing yourself to others or seeking to outshine them.

6. Develop healthy self-esteem: Build your self-worth on intrinsic qualities such as character, integrity, and values, rather than solely on external appearance or achievements. Seek validation from within rather than relying solely on external sources.

7. Practice self-reflection: Reflect on the underlying reasons for your vanity. Are there underlying insecurities or fears that are driving your vain behaviors? Address and work on these underlying issues to develop a healthier self-concept.

8. Foster meaningful relationships: Build authentic and meaningful connections with others based on mutual respect, trust, and genuine interactions. Avoid superficial relationships based solely on vanity or self-interest.

9. Practice humility in success and failure: Embrace both success and failure with humility, recognizing that both are part of the human experience. Learn from failures and be gracious in success, avoiding arrogance or entitlement.

10. Engage in acts of kindness and service: Focus on helping others, contributing to the greater good, and making a positive impact in the lives of others. This can shift your focus away from self-centeredness and promote a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

When you embrace humility and are less focused on yourself and your appearance, you are able to shift your attention towards meaningful connections with others, fostering deeper and more authentic relationships. You become more accepting and appreciative of yourself and others for who they are, rather than superficial qualities. Additionally, you are able to cultivate a more genuine sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation or material possessions. Being less vain can also free you from the pressures and expectations of societal standards, allowing you to focus on your inner qualities, values, and personal growth. Moreover, it enables you to prioritize your time, energy, and resources on pursuits that truly matter to you, rather than solely seeking external validation. Embracing humility and being less vain can lead to greater contentment, genuine connections, and a more fulfilling and meaningful life.